hi, my name is josh… and i have issues.
a little over a year ago, i decided it was time i made a significant change in how i approached my health. i had spent the previous twenty-five years not giving a rip about how much i weighed, and figuring that if i died an early death due to it, at least i’d die living to the fullest. see, i equated a full life with being able to enjoy whatever food i wanted, and as much of it as i wanted. then one day a switch was flipped, and just like that i decided to live differently.
four months of gazelle-like intensity went by. i ate a strict amount of calories per day, i walked three miles five days a week, and i lost fifty pounds in two and a half months. most importantly i was having fun.
it’s been a little over a year since i started… you know how much weight i’ve lost since i first started? sixty pounds. that’s right ladies and germs, in the nine and a half months following my crazy-fast weight loss, i’ve lost a grand total of ten pounds. what happened?
i think marriage counselors could easily equate it to “the flame died” or something like that. i lost focus, i lost intensity, and i stopped caring. during the eight months, i gained weight, lost weight, gained some more weight, and finally about two months ago a lady named heather (who also happens to be my boss’s wife) came to me and said she wanted to help. heather is a personal trainer, and finishing school to be a registered dietitian. she offered to be my personal trainer, and help me get smarter with food. additionally, she got me hooked up with a gym membership and we’ve been meeting twice a week ever since.
now, this would all appear as if things are finally getting better… right? well in the month and a half i’ve been working out twice a week and “eating smarter” i’ve still only managed to lose about ten pounds. please know this isn’t a reflection of heather. she’s doing all she can to help me. the problem is in me. for whatever reason i still haven’t fully committed to the process.
don’t get me wrong, i eat “smarter.” my issues with food comes mainly from poor planning. whether its forgetting to pack a lunch or not planning when my next meal is going to be so i’m stuck eating free pizza at work. it could also be the fact that i’m pretty much in love with iced coffee and i’ve been drinking calories.
then there is the commitment to working out. heather keeps telling me that i need to get cardio work in between the tuesdays and thursdays we work out. and every time she tells me this, i have every intention to start doing it. but i don’t. why? it’s not like i don’t want to lose weight… i do… with every fiber of my being i want to drop this weight. but why can’t i stay committed to the process?
i understand it’s biblical to take care of my body… so why can’t i honor god?
i understand it’s responsible for my wife’s sake… so why can’t i honor her?
i understand it’s important for social reasons… so why can’t i honor my desire to be more?
i understand it’s most important for me… so why can’t i honor myself?
when something is this important, you’d think it’d be easy to commit to it — to do whatever it takes to make it happen. but i’m here to tell you that for whatever reason, maybe i’m jacked in the head, maybe fighting off years upon years upon years of training to be lazy, but for whatever reason i just can’t seem to get that initial fire back.
i haven’t blogged about this recent attempt to lose weight for fear of just sounding like a broken record. the last eight months have seen numerous “ok time to get back on the train” posts from me, and it never happens. don’t think i don’t notice it too.
having someone who is investing in my life, taking time out of her schedule to help me get in shape (for free no less), should be just one more reason to make it “real” this time. i just need to figure out a way to make it stick, and for good.
i think my first step is to get a little more honest again. i am going to start blogging the journey again, and see what happens. i also think i need to work exercise back into my schedule… no excuses.
that’s a novel thought…
…no excuses.
