tonight i went with my wife to go see the film “stop-loss.” a friend of ours named leah, invited us to go see it with her a few weeks ago. it’s important to give you this information because leah’s husband jay, is currently serving our country as an army medic in iraq at this very moment. he’s been gone for over three months now, and probably won’t return for at least another ten months (i may be a little off, apologies to leah if i am).
all the things i want to say about this film, i’m not sure any of it is going to come out exactly how i mean it. i’m warning you now, this could be lengthly. filled with nonsense and ranting and opinion.
first, you need to understand something about me. i’m the guy who went into a state of depression for two weeks after seeing the movie “titanic.” “garden state” affected me on such a deep level, that it was hard for me to explain to anyone why i liked it so much. “braveheart,” “we were soldiers,” and parts of “the lord of the rings” series all brought me into pretty deep levels of thought that i didn’t return from for days. i blame this on being a “creative.” i don’t go to movies just to get entertained… i go because they affect me. i tend to empathize with the characters in these films, and i allow myself to try and feel what they feel. sometimes, i don’t like to talk for a while after i see a movie, because i just want to dwell in it. i take it, and internalize it. sometimes i come and blog about it later.
tonight was a movie i have very strong political feelings about. most of you know where i stand when it comes to this war (against.) most of you know where i stand when it comes to this president (against.) but this wasn’t about that. not tonight.
tonight, my heart broke for our soldiers. there is something about a soldier’s life that i will never, ever be able to fully understand. no matter how hard i try to “feel” what they feel. there are parts of a soldier’s life that i envy something fierce; honor, courage, loyalty, leadership, unity, bravery… to name a few. and then there’s the things that a soldier sees, hears, feels, while in battle. how can anyone who’s not been through that ever be able to fully relate? i can’t imagine how alone soldiers struggling with PTSD must feel.
what does it mean to really “support” our troops? when a politician gets on television and argues about who really “supports” the troops, what does that even mean? how can bush say he supports our troops, and then go and stop-loss tens of thousands of them? how can democrats say they support our troops when they vote to not fund them? it’s all so messed up. fact is, only soldiers really know what it’s like over there. and this movie, while i’m sure accurate in a great many respects, has an agenda as well… as was evidenced by the text at the end of the film.
i can sit here and say that i know what’s best for our soldiers (getting out of iraq, sooner the better.) but i know there are plenty of people who disagree with me, and plenty of those people are much smarter, and much more experienced than me.
so why even bother having an opinion? i mean really, what good does mine do? for all i know i could be completely wrong on every issue that i believe i have a firm, and correct stance on.
but it all comes back to my friend leah. her and jay are the first people i have close personal ties to that are directly involved in this war. and that really throws everything for a loop. i watched jay volunteer… volunteer to put his life on the line in defense of something bigger than himself. for once in my life i don’t know what to say. i can’t even fathom that. i’m not comparing our soldiers to jesus here, but just as i can’t understand and fathom jesus going through what he went through to save the rest of us from ourselves, i cannot understand someone who risks their lives on a daily basis for a war that may not (please recognize my wording as a plea not to make this political) in the end even be something we should have done to begin with. i can’t begin to respect enough the brave men and women that have that “thing” in their head that tells them they need to serve their country, and ultimately a joe-schmoe citizen… me.
somewhere, a soldier in iraq is having his or her life threatened every hour of every day. this soldier out there, is willing to die for this country so i can sit safely in my recently purchased house, complain about my place in life, and blog about what i think is best for that soldier. when i take a step outside my egotistical opinions for just a moment and look at that, it makes me very angry at myself. it’s so much more real now that i can put a name and a face on that soldier… my friend jay. leah’s husband jay is putting his life on the line on a daily basis so i can have an opinion on whats best for him. i don’t know, but that feels ridiculous to me…
honestly it makes me feel like a total jacka$$.
and right now, i’m not really sure what to do with it.
