Jan.13.2010 at 10:33 am | joshua
Haiti
CNN is now reporting that over 100,000 people have died in yesterday’s earthquakes in Haiti.
I just spent a dollar on a needless cup of coffee.
The images coming in from Haiti are some of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen.
I just sent an email to a wedding client reminding them about their upcoming bill payment.
There are people in Haiti twittering about the massive devastation and despair.
I just tweeted about where I’m drinking coffee this morning.
I’m sitting here in what appears to be a Christian-owned coffee shop (christian satellite radio station is playing), and I can’t get over the dichotomy of the life I live. I’m DESPERATE to be a cause for change in this world, yet I am going to go through my day more than likely like nothing ever happened. I have meetings to prep for this weekends service, a meeting with my music and media volunteers later this afternoon, and then band practice this evening. I’m willing to bet that Haiti will only cross my mind when I read people’s incessant tweets about it today.
I’m a selfish ass.
I get the very distinct feeling that this is exactly what Satan wants from me. My heart, my desires, for at least a few moments a day are totally in the right place and I often surprise myself. But the remaining twenty-three hours of the day? I’m only concerned with getting mine. There is little doubt in my mind I’ve come a long way in the last seven years, but here is even less doubt that I have a long way yet to go.
Today, my prayer is that I get wrecked over not only this incredible disaster in Haiti, but over all injustice everywhere. I pray that God continues to break down the selfish walls I have built over time, and break my heart for the least of these. I pray for a holy discontent, to not be able to sit idly by and let things like this happen and me go on living my incredibly blessed life. I need to take action.
How about you?
Yup, you sound like an ass to me.
Thanks for the affirmation. I love people who can't say things without hiding behind a mask of anonymity. Unfortunately for you, there is very little you can do on the internet anymore and remain anonymous.
wow.
dear some guy…
you suck.
love, not-so-anonymous-chick,
Jenni
you are not the only one… :)
I remember going through the same struggle around this time last year with the Australian bushfires. Maybe that shocked me more because they were in places I'd driven through so it made it more 'real'.
I struggle to find a balance knowing I can't save the world, but where can I made a difference…one act of kindness at a time. Even as people lose loved ones, go through unimaginable pain, life does still go on and that is TOUGH to digest. And sometimes I can concentrate on the 'oh well,life goes on' part so much that I just ignore all the pain to live a selfish life. I get cold hearted. I get apathetic.
And I don't like the reflection I see of myself when I'm like that.
dear Jesus, open our hearts. How can we make a difference? Where would you have us Lord, our Saviour?
Last week when I went out to deliver coats/blankets to the homeless in my community, I received a very quick awakening to the sad reality of what is in my backyard. I knew there was poverty in the world. But to see it 20 minutes away from my big, warm house—wrecked me.
God intends for us to be wrecked. He wants our hearts to break for what breaks His. His is breaking over Haiti, and His breaking over the homeless man living under a tarp, along the highway in inner-city Kansas City.
In Numbers 22, God used a jackass to save a life … and He can use all of us too.
I feel the same way. Inspired to action, yet somehow complacent in my inactivity.
i totally understand lil bro. but also, we must know, that we cant be everything to everyone. just because you, or i, cant pick up and leave and save everyone in haiti from this disaster doesnt mean we are careless asses. just because you must fulfill your responsibilities here (in all integrity and good ethics) doesnt mean you are displacing or ignoring needs elsewhere. i, too, feel the pressure and agonizing need deep in my spirit to make all this tragedy go away. but, alone, i cant. either can you. what we can do…is, in the least, continue to pray, send whatever amt of money we can, and encourage others to do the same. all the while, being mindful of our daily provisions here, remaining grateful and good stewards. but i truly do not believe we should feel guilty for what we have or feel bad for tending to our daily responsibilities as tragedy unfolds around us. you, josh, are a giver-a servant-someone who brings awareness to injustices. you should not feel like an ass. you do more than the majority. imo, theres no need for you to be hard on yourself.
thanks tam.
I agree I can't do everything, and i need to be responsible for my daily life, but at the same time I feel like gutchecks like this are needed from time to time. i might do more than most, but is it enough? can i still be responsible and do more? i think so…
gut checks are often times spirit prodding's. now…pray for discernment to what that means. does that mean drop everything and go? does that mean re-prioritizing your life? does it mean being a bigger voice for those who dont have one? perhaps it does one, or maybe all. but i still do not believe that that check in your spirit is there to get you to feel like youre not doing anything or cant do anything more. and it certainly, if from the spirit, would not impose on you a feeling of guilt. i really dont believe so. love inspires. love is greater….
Let me be clear… I am not feeling guilty, rather I equate how I feel right now to something more similar to how Paul felt when he talked about continuing to do the things he hates.
I don't want to live a normal, comfortable life… it's not in my DNA to do so. Yet I consistently find myself retreating to places of comfort and putting my head in the sand for safety.
have you felt yourself retreat during this tragedy? have you not done anything, within your power and ability?
I know where you're coming from, but I wouldn't be too hard on yourself… unless you'd like to be in that state for the rest of your life.
Every single day there is pain and suffering all around us. Even in the good ole' US of A.
We can't pour our hearts out to them all. It's simply not possible. Some things will touch us more than others, and in those times we'll hopefully respond in a proper manner. But at some point we have to look up and allow God to do what he does.
I'd honestly like to know more about your coffee selection. :) I'm fully aware of the Haiti situation, and prayers are being offered. Not much more any of us could say now to help that situation to be honest.
agreed. well said, mud.
yah, josh…what kinda coffee do you get for a buck??
ya, im an ass too. my first tweet was complaining about not getting enough sleep while people in Haiti slept on the ground in fear of the aftershocks. I am sure i got my rest than they did.
I so wish i could do something…give money or go….but i cant. So the best i can offer is prayer.
i love you. you are not an ass. we can't bear EVERYONE'S burden. prayer is powerful. forwarding knowledge and resources to people who CAN help financially or physically is HUGE.
that's all i have for now.
See, this is where we're going to disagree. I'm not sure 99% of all humans have found their capacity for good. "Within your power and ability," through who's eyes?
I believe God is faithful (I know you do too, please understand I'm not calling you out, this is all about me), so what's stopping me from pouring every last cent I have right now into helping? Nothing more than fear. How will I pay my bills? Etc…
Does God want me to be responsible? Absolutely, but I also think God would honor radical giving through the understanding that it's all His anyway.
see. we dont disagree. but you said something key here…"its all about me". youre dealing with something deeper than anything any of us have, or can, speak to here. i'll go back to what i commented earlier…a lot of the time when you get that nudging in your gut, it is the holy spirit calling you to action. to what kinda action? i have no idea. it could be broad or could be personal. i think thats something only you and God can conclude. but by all means, listen to it. its there for a reason. but this one in particular could have nothing to do with you abandoning your bills and giving everything to haiti as much as it might be about God checkin your heart and motives and willingness to do so. sometimes, He just wants to check if we WILL.
josh, i have no doubt, whatsoever…that you would – and might. not even a question about it in my mind. but know this…there are some, maybe you included, who can only do so much. some can afford 38 bucks this month to give to red cross. and they can pray endlessly. and to them…that is everything. to tell them thats not enough, is insulting. im not saying you have done this or implied that at all…but do absolutely everything you can…lovingly and respectfully encourage every soul you know and then some, to do the same…and watch change happen. watch the hands and feet of God move! and then…keep doing and giving everything you can when its all done….