…i’m a big pansy (a confessional)
April 9, 2008 – 12:08 pmi still have nightmares, regularly. i hate it.
it was easier as a kid, i dreamed about godzilla and dracula coming and torturing me. i dreamed about monsters and terminator killing my parents. why was this easier, you may be asking…
because now i dream about loss. loneliness, death, depression. my childhood nightmares of freddy krueger and jason vorhees have been replaced with nightmares of my wife dying, or worse… my wife leaving me. i don’t know why, but dreams like this have become a regular occurrence. i don’t think i struggle with codependency or low self-esteem, so other than “growing up,” i really don’t have an explanation for these nightmares.
sometimes, i wake up in the morning believing that i’m going to reach across the bed and realize that it wasn’t a dream. i’m going to reach across the bed and nothing will be there but more blankets and sheets. it’s a horrible, horrible feeling that i don’t wish upon anyone.
but, so far every time that i’ve had this feeling, i end up feeling silly after i tell ryanne about it and she says “i’m not going anywhere.” well, silly… but gratified and blessed too. i at least have one more day with the love of my life, and one more night to have horrible dreams.
3 Responses to “…i’m a big pansy (a confessional)”
> what do you dream/have nightmares about?
Leaving my friends behind as I move to Seattle.
By Dustin Campbell on Apr 9, 2008
yeah. i imagine that’d be rough. but i really believe it’s going to be a great move for you guys, and you know how to get some company out there!
By joshua on Apr 9, 2008
i haven’t had a nightmare in a few months (that i can remember) but the last one i had was similar to one i’d get pretty regularly when i was with my ex-fiancee.
Someone and I are traveling (was usually my ex back then, but this last time it wasn’t and I don’t recall who) and we can’t seem to meet up. Either I’m on the wrong flight, or I can’t make it to the airport, or I go to the wrong city, and what usually kills me is that I’m frantic about it, but they don’t care whether I’m coming or not.
This dream is usually combined with the airplane crash dreams, meaning, I finally get on a plane, it starts to take off, then has to come back down - QUICKLY. I think we’re all going to die, but we don’t, and we take off again - and we crash again, and again, and again. usually the inside of the plane looks like a movie theatre. why? heck if i know.
i also used to have dreams about being cheated on, but they seemed to have subsided for some good reason ^_^
By sheryls on Apr 12, 2008