…it’s a sad day

wow. so, heath ledger was found dead in his apartment today.

it’s weird, i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since i heard this afternoon.  dude was only two years older than me, so much of his life, so many things he could have accomplished… will not be done.

i first became aware of ledger in the movie “ten things i hate about you,” which i own. shut up.  he then turned in a great role in “the patriot,” and while “a knights tale” will never be confused for a great movie, it was highly entertaining. of course then there was the huge critical acclaim he received for his role in “brokeback mountain.”

and now, this year his defining role as far as i’m concerned, the joker in “the dark knight” will be the only time we’ll get a chance to see it. admittedly, when i heard that ledger was cast as the joker, i thought to myself “what a mistake!” then i saw the posters, then i saw the previews. honest to goodness, i don’t even need to see the movie to say that he absolutely owned the character. so to be honest, a part of my sadness is probably a little selfish.

i’m not going to pretend to understand what happened. cnn.com is currently saying that it “could” have been a drug overdose, suicide. ledger’s family is saying that it wasn’t suicide… i guess we’ll know in a few days. for the sake of heath’s family and little girl, i do hope that he did not kill himself.

gosh, even typing this is just making me sadder and sadder. let’s just say for a minute that he did kill himself… what must have been in his head? how sad and depressed may he have been? and because i am a christian, i wonder was he?

i’ll be the first to admit that i don’t understand people that struggle with deep depression. don’t get me wrong, i get sad sometimes… but i have not ever felt so sad that i even remotely pondered hurting myself in any way. but my heart breaks, even tonight for a hollywood actor-stranger who MAY have committed suicide, my heart breaks for people that feel so empty, so lonely, and so sad that they truly believe that ending it all is the only way.

my heart breaks.