loveisgreaterthan[dot]com

well, it’s actually only quarter past midnight. i do not mean to mislead you, friend. it’s just the first thing that came to mind when i went to start posting.

all that tom-foolery aside, it’s frickin’ late. for me at least. yet, not unlike most nights in my recent memory i am unable to sleep. it’s not really insomnia (i don’t think, i am certainly no sleep expert), and i do not believe it has anything to do with my environment (temperature, comfortable… things like that.)

i can’t seem to shut my brain off lately. i have a ridiculous amount of things flowing in my head, and just when i think i may have solved one of the problems/issues, i move right along to the next one before i can even count the first sheep. i wish i could just mind-dump everything that is going on, but a lot of the things aren’t really suitable for public knowledge. nevertheless, i’ll do my best — and try my hardest not to divulge too much information — in an attempt to be “authentic.”

that is after all, the “hip” phrase these days isn’t it?

• i’m worried about saving enough money to buy christmas presents this year.
• ryanne and i have been married for three and a half years now, and have yet to be in a position where we have bought each other anything for christmas, or our birthdays, or our anniversary. not a thing. 
• that’s not true, we went to applebee’s for our anniversary this year, and out to eat for our anniversary two years ago. but that’s it.
• sam asked me what i would call a coffeeshop if i were to open one up myself in the greater toledo area, mainly marketing to college students. for some reason, i can’t stop trying to come up with a good name.
• christmas at cedarcreek… lots and lots of pressure and responsibility to make some great videos that hopefully inspire people.
• there’s a lot of things up in the air at work right now. things regarding the church as a whole, the two teams i lead, and even me personally. here’s where i get in area of things i probably should not talk about, so i won’t.
• i will just say that it is horribly frustrating, because honestly sometimes i feel like i have nobody to talk to about work. i think this way because at work, i feel like everyone is going through the same thing i am, but have been doing it longer so really don’t want to hear what i have to say… whether that’s true or not i don’t know. talking to ryanne about it helps sometimes, but even she’ll be the first to agree that she doesn’t always get what working for a church entails. past that… who else is there? sure i have parents, but the same idea of not really getting the whole idea of working for a church applies to them as well.
• i’m worried about my weight loss goals. the fire is long gone, and i’m struggling to stay motivated.
• i’m worried that the conviction i felt while reading “mere christianity” has faded. other than having a few less toys, i’m not really sure where i’m at anymore.
• i keep telling myself things will all work out, and i guess in the end (the very literal end) i know that’s true… but what about anytime soon?
• i wonder what my future holds. am i going to be stuck (that’s a harsh word, i don’t mean it that way) doing what i am doing now for the rest of my life… if for no other reason than i’m scared to take a risk?
• if that’s true, will photography always be nothing more than a hobby for me? that would make me sad i think…
• if for whatever crazy reason i were to not have a job here in northwest ohio anymore, would ryanne and i stay here?
• would we follow leah and jay?
• would we just apply to every contemporary christian church in the country and see where the chips fall?
• i really hope my new shoes get here by friday, even though ups says monday… i have faith.
• leopard is slick, but i wonder if it was worth the money
• i have to correct my spelling of leopard every time (again there) i keep wanting to spell it leapord.
• ryanne went off birth control about a month ago, am i really ready to be a dad?
• no… she’s not pregnant.
• will i ever feel secure enough financially working for a seeker-sensitive church to be a good father and husband?
• will i always feel like i have to work freelance jobs?
• how do i continue to make time for the things that i am really passionate about (my family, serving the poor & marginalized, photography) while trying to make enough money to pay bills, get out of debt, and god-willing, have children?
• why can’t i fall asleep?
• i really hope the writer’s strike gets resolved soon. i really don’t want all reality shows, all the time.
• i miss blockbuster online.
• i miss world of warcraft.
• i miss going to bars with friends and not having a care in the world other than whether or not i’d have to pay for the next round by losing a game of darts.
• i miss my friend john.
• i love my wife dearly, and i’m so proud that she’s found ways to get involved with helping people. i wonder what’s next for her.
• i really wish i didn’t have a dog that snored.