Jan.28.2010 at 4:04 pm | joshua
The Upside of Having a Cold
Today is my first time out of the apartment since Sunday. If I don’t count going in for the weekend services, where I have zero option other than showing up, I’ve been out of commission for a week due to a pretty bad cold. I finally feel better, and thank you all for all the well wishes.
As I’ve joked on twitter, I can’t complain too much. I essentially spent the last seven days planted on the couch or in my bed, and in between naps I shotgunned two seasons of Dexter (of which I am now completely caught up), and six entire seasons of Entourage. To be fair, Entourage is only a 25 minute show with most seasons only having 12 episodes, so it went pretty fast.
Being sick gives people, at least me, a lot of time to think. Maybe it’s just because I’ve watched six seasons of Entourage, a show about a close-knit group of friends who move to Hollywood from Queens to make it in the movie industry, or maybe it’s because I’ve been considering what life is going to be like when our first child arrives in August, but I’ve been thinking a lot about community and friendships lately. I have long been convinced that life is 100% not meant to be done alone. I’m the kind of person who would happily co-habitate with another family, I just believe in community that much. Even though we have zero extra room in our apartment right now, our couch is always open to visitors, because Ryanne and I both believe that none of what we have is ours anyway, and that opening our home (or, couch in this case) and breaking bread with friends and family is simply one of the greatest joys that we can get out of life.
I have been shown an insane amount of hospitality over the course of the last year. I think it was during that time that I became convinced of the need to do life with other people I love. Whether it’s family or friends, surrounding myself with a small group of people who would bend over backwards for us, and us them, is at the very top of my to-do list in the next few years.
In an episode of Entourage, one of the main characters (Drama) is speaking with the head of the network broadcast division he is doing a show for… the corporate guy is attempting to steal Turtle’s (nickname for one of Drama’s friends on the show) girlfriend behind his back, and Drama tells him that if he does, he”ll jack him up (or something similar). The corporate guy then tells Drama that if he touches him, he’s finished on the show and that he won’t find work again… and he’s not a good enough actor to follow through. Drama then says “maybe not, but I am that good of a friend.”
I know it’s just a stupid scene from a show, but that is really what started me down this path. I’ve done my fair share of alienating people throughout the years, and I’m sure I will continue to do so. I spent most of my life content being alone, but I don’t want to continue that way. I want to be a better, community-minded person and allow myself to be vulnerable to people. I need to. I was speaking to my very good friend Gregg today, and I told him that lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the old saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” I don’t know why… I don’t know what it means, but it’s simply something that’s been on my mind. That, and wanting to being in a community of people so deeply connected, that we’d risk careers to defend each other… crazy? Maybe.
So the upside of having a cold? Losing myself in thought, and getting excited for what the future may hold. I will always be a dreamer, I just need to continue to figure out how to connect the dream to the reality.
Love it! Especially the Drama story…Johnny Drama is my fav. Entourage character. He's awesome. I love the scene in the casino when Seth Green asks E if he wants a piece of him and as his goon steps up to E and E's ready to answer Drama comes storming in and jacks up Green's boy!
But yeah, I hear ya. Tight community is key!
It really is an amazing show. I mean, I understand it's fiction, and that the guys do a lot of ridiculous things… but is it crazy to long for a community that tight-nit? I'm not sure I've ever had a group of friends (at least in close proximity) like that.
I agree, it is just such an amazing show. Outside of all the ridiculous stuff, I love that they all go to Ari's office together, even if Turtle & Drama sit outside Ari's office. They all have breakfast together. They all go to lunch together, get coffee together, go out at night together…they really have each other's backs in EVERYTHING. I don't know that I've ever been part of that outside of my family. My family is, for lack of a better term, a big ole bunch of hillbilly's. But, our loyalty to each other is very, very deep.
I'd love to have a group of loyal friends and brothers and sisters like that. I wanna be someone's Johnny Drama!
I love this post! I want to be a friend that's willing to risk everything if necessary. Thanks for the reminder.
i think you already are connecting the dream to reality. so maybe youve not had many opps to have perfect strangers come into your home and raid your couch and toilet – but the acceptance you extend to everyone you come in contact with, via the net or in person, you embrace them. ive seen it with my own eyes, joshit.
it's not so much that tam, as I want to surround myself with people (not just through the internet, we all agree that it can only go so far) who are willing to do nearly anything for each other.
am i nuts for thinking that the american ratio of how many nights we spend at home, alone, with our families versus with other families and friends is off? personally, i'd like more meals to be shared than not… but maybe I'm crazy. I freely admit it =)
why is it that i can find people like this for all over the country, and coming up zeros in my own back yard? Elora and i fill the same way but in the last 8 months in austin we search for community and haven't really found it. I have great hope for this, and i am glad you do too.
yeah, i feel the same way about being able to find these people online, but not in my own town. it's a glorious upside (and unfortunate downfall) of social media. it's so much easier to connect with like-minded people, but it's a downer when you realize they're 1500 miles away =)
Growing up back in the 70's everyone knew everyone in our neighborhood. We had a community that did things together, block parties, parades on holidays, movies in the park in the summer. Today, I've moved away from there, and I know maybe a 1/4 of the people in the "subdivision/neighborhood" where I live. And by know I mean enough to say hello, how's things, and goodbye. We don't take time to encourage and grow relationships anymore. We're all too busy and wrapped up in our "problems" to care. Even in church where we are supposed to be a community, so many times we are guilty of showing up, doing our job, hear a message, shake the pastors hand, and then off we go again. That said, this is something we are striving to change, but it's not an easy task. It takes work and sadly too many people are afraid of work these days. Thanks for sharing your heart on this, it was a good reminder.
Um…yes. This whole post…yes. Russ already said much of what I was going to, but this is such our heart's desire. You're not crazy. And if you are, you have two people in Austin who are crazy with you. :)
noted =)
By the way, one of the things Frazee talks about constantly in his book is trying to reduce the physical distance between others by focusing on developing community in a close radius around where you live. I will say that I think many churches' emphasis on neighborhood-based small groups begins to really apply that in a helpful way. Depending on your neighborhood, though, it could still lack economic, racial, and age diversity. But, you have a much better chance of getting to know an older couple in a neighborhood-based group than you would in pure life stage groups where people travel from far and wide around the city just to come to the young marrieds group, for example.
Everything you've touched on here, Josh, I completely agree with. Our family became convinced of the absolute need of community (and how most of our country now lacks it) after reading two books by Randy Frazee – The Connecting Church and Making Room for Life.